It might seem weird, but I am going to talk a little bit about Grey's Anatomy and marriage. I recently started watching this show because my roommate absolutely loves it. However, there is something that has really bothered me about this show:
People are completely unfaithful to their significant other (SO).
Maybe I am just really sensitive on this topic because my parents got divorced for this reason (that is not the entire reason, however it is a large part of it), but this really bothers me. In the LDS faith, many members get married in temples for time and all eternity. How does two people go from completely in love and committed forever to cheating and divorce?
Obviously this transition is not a jump, it is a gradual shift. What can we do to prepare ourselves to be with the same person forever?
Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one's companion."
Now on Grey's Anatomy when people get married they love them so much, however as circumstances change or they start spending more time with another coworker their concern for their SO changes from anxious to not caring whatsoever about them. How can we keep this anxious concern for SO's?
I would like to mention that I am not married, nor do I have a SO. However, this is something that causes me a lot of anxiety for my future. Many of family members are divorced. Only two of the couples on either side of my family have been sealed in the temple and I hope to add to that number one day, but when I get married I want my marriage to actually last forever.
Having no experience I cannot actually give my advice or an educated opinion on this, however through the examples I have seen I have picked up on a few things that are key to making a marriage last.
1. Communicate
I know. This seems like common sense. In my family we are mostly terrible communicators. We bottle things up, we write letters instead of confronting someone and we hardly ever actually say what we so badly want to say.
Just communicate with your SO. Make sure you are on the same page. I cannot stress the importance of this. Just as communication is key, you have to make sure that it is positive communication. Do not single your partner out. This will make them less likely to work on the issue if they feel attacked. use statements like "I feel like we have been struggling in (fill in the blank) area and have been thinking about how we could improve together on this." or "I know this is something that we have been struggling with. How do you think we could improve?"
By working together you get more accomplished, than if you were working against each other.
2. Finances
Get them under control! This should be made a priority. Financial problems are part of the causes of most divorces. Sit down once a week (or once every two weeks) to go over this area. In my family each couple goes through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University to help prepare them to work on finances together.
3. Go on Dates!!
Keep the romance alive. Gordon B. Hinkley said that the romance is not the important part. The important part is being anxiously concerned for your SO, however I firmly believe that keeping the romance in the marriage and the fun in the marriage is key. If everything is always serious and in solitude, then how will you succeed?
Obviously I haven't experienced what it is like to have a SO, but I truly believe that there is something to be learned by watching those around us. Learn from others, so that you don't make the same mistakes they did. Put in your best efforts to make your marriage last forever.
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